Got a letter from a dear fren of mine..
Indeed a surprise..
But coming from him, itz not..
I've known him enuff to noe dat he'll go to such extend to express himself..such as the onez above..
Thru' dat letter, i got to noe dat i've been hurting him alot,..without realising..
Y?..
I've been honest wif you..
I've told u to move on..
Dun overlook other gerlz who could potentiali be THE ONE..
I've told u my situation..
I've told u how i feel..
I've told you dat you'll always be my fren..
& i've told u these over & over again..
I'm not perfect..
In fact, i may not be the person u tink i m..
Y oh y, do you portray me in such a way like as if im a 'goddess'?..
To be 'worshipped' u say??..
NO!..i dun deserve dat..
Cukup sudah hati ini dilukai.. says:
How i wish i can turn back time and take back my letter..sori to add on to yr dilemma wif my confessions..and if by any chance u think at any point of time i hate u, i don't think it'll ever cross my mind..bcoz it's u..all i'm asking for rite now, don't make me be invisible in your life..
I'm so sorry if i've ever made you feel that way, my dear..
I'm so sorry if i've ever made you feel unappreciated..but if i didn't appreciate, would i have kept those stuff you made for me?..the effort dat you put in..the tym..money..everything is recognised & appreciated for..believe me..
It was never my intention to hurt you..
I have alwayz hoped dat you'd be able to understand the position i'm in..dat i'm in a situation whereby i noe where i stand..
Kalau dilayan sgt, you'll probably take my actionz as an acceptance to something beyond friendship..
& i can't bring maself to do dat..
I wouldn't do to a person wat i wouldn't want them to do to me, let alone to hurt them further by leading them on..memberi harapan palsu..
Itz juz not me..
& datz y i told u the truth..but u insist on me giving u the chance, despite knowing abt it & now telling me dat i've hurt u?..i've done u wrong?..how is dat?..
Bukan me tanak..bukan me tak sudi..
Itz juz too complicated right now..
Perhapz im still holding back..
For wat reasonz, i'm still trying to figure out maself..
I'm juz sorry dat i cannot give what you're asking for..except, a sincere frenship i alwayz had..
..i'm sorry..
Juz got to noe weeks ago dat ppl have been talkin' about me & a close guy fren of mine..hez been there for me most of the tym..
& now people are actuali saying dat im taking advantage of him..leading him on since he has feelingz for me..
Wow..didn't know being a single woman is like being a 'janda hina'..
Ppl will talk wen you're close to a guy..sememangnye,..as some of my frenz told me, mulot org,..unstoppable..juz let them talk..so once they're tired, they'll stop..
Well, maybe some people can bear wif it..
I couldn't..itz my pride,..reputation,..maruah,..at stake..
I was so shocked dat i couldn't take it nimore & actually broke down in front of baby..
They don't know my real situation,..my intentionz,..& they're juz taking watz on the surface!~..
Dammit!~ even he knows my dilemma!~ i've told him the whole truth!~ i've told him to move on!~
..people can be so shallow?..
Alas, i decided to slowly drift away..cost ma dear frenship wif him.. :'(
.. says:
i just want to say that i never met someone like u.... that's y my heart open wen i get to noe u... as i say b4 follow yr heart n feelings... 4 me to open to someone new will be a hell for a long tym... itz never a mistake noeing u...
Still searching..for ma own peace of mind.. (piece of mine) says:
dun say dat..u made me cry..itz been my pleasure knowing u..u were never a mistake..but ma weakness..thanks for everything..
Recently, shemz finali got into a relationship..lucky gal he has..hez one of the few ppl whom i think can reali make me hapi..& yes, im beginning to think, was it a waste that i didn't even give him the chance, knowing wat he'll be able to provide me wif?..da mountz of happiness?..love?..da feeling dat i mean da world to him?..it may sound rather exaggerated but datz him..i noe..
..a wasted chance i guess..
So why, you may ask, am i not giving the rest a chance?..
I'm not a heartbreaker..but im not bitch either..
I won't lead u on once i know u've fallen for me..
I won't let it ruin the friendship built..& i'll be frank..
I'll most probably tell u to "move on" & the, "we can alwayz be frenz" phrase..
Im no ms 'popular'..& i'll be as straight forward as i can be..
If u're still willing to be frens wif me after dat, i'll be thankful..
But if u insist on hoping for something i'm never gonna be able to give, i may even make u hate me if i haf to..juz so to let u move on..
Yes,..datz me..
For now, juz let me be..
..i'm still searching for ma own peace of mind..
I thot i knew..
I thot i was right..
But i was proven wrong once too many tymz..
You had your chances.....
..now you're juz an option..no longer a choice..you're juz one of the rest..
Enough of sweet, meaningless & unfulfilled wordz..
Enough of broken promises..
Enough of disappointments..
Enough of disappearances..
Enough of reasonz..
Enuffz enuff..
I've had enuff..
..it takez more than juz wordz..
